Dear Everyone,
Sex and love form important themes in my novel, “Gabriel’s Inferno.” The theme is developed through dialogue, events, the lives of the characters and even through a university lecture or two. My characters and the characters in the various pieces of literature mentioned in the story take different views on these topics.
Sometimes sex and love are separate considerations, sometimes they are unified. Sometimes sex is viewed as a gift to give someone else, sometimes it’s viewed as something taken from another person for one’s own benefit and pleasure. Sometimes sex is a way of exerting power or control over another person, sometimes it’s a way of asserting vulnerability and connectedness. Without offering spoilers, I’ll simply point out that the various voices in the novel express what I take to to be both typical and atypical approaches to the vexed questions of sex and love.
(Parenthetically it should be noted that although sex is a theme of my story, it isn’t the entire story. Readers have had varying reactions to that fact!)
Those familiar with Anglicanism and Thomas Cranmer’s “Book of Common Prayer,” (BCP) are no doubt familiar with the wedding vows used in Anglican weddings. Those vows have changed, as has the BCP. Nevertheless, the old words include an insight that I think provides an interesting way of viewing sex. This insight is included in “Gabriel’s Inferno” as part of a discussion between two of the characters.
“Then shall they again loose their hands; and the Man shall give unto the Woman a Ring, laying the same upon the book with the accustomed duty to the Priest and Clerk. And the Priest, taking the Ring, shall deliver it unto the Man, to put it upon the fourth finger of the Woman’s left hand. And the Man holding the Ring there, and taught by the Priest, shall say,
ITH this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.”
ITH this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.”Although the language has changed in recent versions of the BCP, such that “with my body I thee worship” is no longer a vow made from husband to wife, some Anglican couples (and priests) include the language anyway.
But what does it mean for the husband to vow to worship his wife with his body?
An early commentary by Dr. Anthony Sparrow argues that there are two meanings to this phrase. First, that the husband is indicating that the wife will be his legal wife and not his mistress or concubine. Thus, she will be given the benefits of his property and her offspring will be his legitimate children. Second, the idea of “worship” in this context is that of “honour.” The husband vows to honour his wife.
I’m sure Sparrow’s commentary has some merit. But the plain meaning of the text seems to indicate something else, as Bishop Paul Marshall argues. To use one’s body to worship another in the context of marriage, seems to refer to sex. And not simply “having sex,” but “making love.” The idea here is that through physical intimacy, the husband affirms his love and respect (and honour) for his wife. He gives to her; he doesn’t take from her. Viewing sex as an act of worship of another person takes the self-centredness out of it. Sex becomes something other than personal physical gratification (although physical pleasure is important); it becomes other-centred. Notice that the vow was made from husband to wife and not the reverse.
Why?
But there is something else behind these words that is not mentioned by either Sparrow or Marshall, and that is the connection between sex and the divine. In some religious traditions, sex is a means of worshipping a deity. In Greek and Roman times, for example, one could engage in sexual acts with temple prostitutes as a means of worshipping a particular god or goddess. But I’m not talking about that.
I’m referring to the the way in which sex transports a human being into something overwhelming and ecstatic and I’m suggesting that this transport offers a glimpse of the divine. It’s possible that this idea is captured by Cranmer’s vow. The act of worshipping another with one’s body, such that one is giving and not taking, such that one is other-centred, provides a context in which one can experience what it would be like to be loved completely and unreservedly. What it would be like to experience the satisfaction of all one’s deepest longings. What it would be like to have pleasure, bliss and happiness not just for an instant, but for eternity. In Cranmer’s context (as in Dante’s), this eternity would be had in the presence of God. Perhaps sex (when done in a worshipful way) is a glimpse, a shadow of what it would be to bask in the glory of God in Paradise, like Dante and Beatrice. As Dante expresses in his Paradiso, the universe is held together by love…
I know many of you have been wondering about the sequel to “Gabriel’s Inferno.” The sequel is in progress, but I don’t have a release date yet. When the release date is set by the publisher, we’ll be able to announce it here, on Twitter and on Facebook. Thank you for your continued support. It’s much appreciated.
All the best and thanks for reading,
SR
(For an interesting piece on Dante’s Paradiso click here.)
I am honoured to have had all three of my novels appear on the New York Times and USA Today Bestseller lists. I was a Semifinalist for Best Author in the 2011 and 2012 Goodreads Choice Awards. {
oh dearest SR! How I love thee. They way you write, what you communicate. It always makes me feel better, beautiful, loved. It’s amazing. Here I am sitting with a smile plastered on my face thinking, aren’t we lucky? Thanks so much. I send my best and hope all is well.
What a beautiful and sweet post you gave us, SR! And it’s an insightful one, too.
I really like this vow from the BCP. Being Catholic, I didn’t know about it till I saw it mentioned in your book. Then I watched the royal wedding and if I remember correctly Prince William said these very words to Kate while marrying her.. So, I gather, they kept the traditional version…Do we know why the language has changed in recent versions? I don’t know much about it…It’s such a sweet vow, it should be kept, in my opinion.
I’ve been to a couple of Catholic weddings and ,unfortunately, the husband doesn’t pronounce such a vow to his wife. The groom and the bride promise each other to be faithful and to love one another in sickness and in health till death do them apart. These are beautiful vows, of course, but I think it would be very sweet if a vow such as the one above was included. It emphasizes the intimacy that links the two married people.
I loved the interpretations you provided us with, especially the last two ones. I think Dr. Sparrow’s analysis is centred on the legal and economic aspect of the vow, whereas Bishop Marshall focuses his attention more on the personal relationship that is formed between the couple. In my opinion, nowadays, the line between merely “having sex” and “making love” is too blurred and some can’t distinguish the one from the other. Although we are talking about the same act, the sentiment with which two people give themselves to one another is what makes the difference. And that’s why I think that sex should not be looked at just as an experience, but it should be had with a person you really love (but that’s just my opinion). I love what you said about the self-centredness of it all.. It’s a beautiful concept.
I also liked the interpretation where sex is viewed as a glimpse of the union between the soul and the divine. Thus, sex becomes not only a physical union but also a spiritual one. Two souls that unite and together make the experience of the beatific vision.
Thank you again for this post, SR. I loved Gabriel’s Inferno and I’ll be eagerly awaiting for the sequel!
Elena_twiarcady
Obviously, in my comment above I meant to write the OTHER-centredness of it all, NOT the self-centredness! Lol.
When reading phrases or words with origins from hundreds of years ago, I try to consider the usage back then. The meaning of so many words has changed in the present day. (I think that’s why so many kids dislike studying Shakespeare. What other reason could there be? Most of his plays have as much action, blood, and gore as a video game.) So maybe Sparrow’s interpretation of “with my body, I thee wed” is valid. Since he wrote it in 1662, he’s closer to the time the phrase was written. It might simply be more accurate.
Perhaps he’s right in saying “I thee worship” means the husband honors the wife. But the phrase “with my body” seems to refer to a physical act, instead of the emotional support of honoring your spouse. “Worship” is a strong word, and indicates a devotion that is beyond “honor.”
(This certainly caught my eye: “Which custom retained, hath still this use, that it puts women in mind of a duty, whereto the very imbecility of their sex doth bind them, namely, to be always directed and guided by others.” I know this sentence is also a product of its time, but after reading it I’m not inclined to give him credit for anything else – not after being called an imbecile. *grin*)
I think it’s fitting to equate sex as a religious experience, in the literal and not the humorous use of the term. It is a gift from God. And when one worships, one forgets about the self in favor of another – usually a deity, but in this example, another human. In true intimacy, you can give yourself over for the sake of the joy of another, and it’s enormously rewarding in so many ways. To borrow a line from the Prayer of St. Francis, “It is in giving that we receive.”
Gabriel ultimately came to see this, I think. Early in the story, sex was more an act of lust and release for him. He remained a sexually passionate man, but the love between he and Julia took the “self” out of it for him, to use your expression.
Thank you for yet another fascinating and thought-provoking exploration of the literature included in “Gabriel’s Inferno.” Are you planning to write a post about the music you included? That would also be a great discussion!
Thanks for your comments! Yes, I’ll be posting on the music, too. That’s a great suggestion, Meilleur Cafe.
All the best everyone,
SR
Looking for this vow I came upon your page and just want to give another aspect to this discussion.
Worship has a deeply religious meaning and was considered the most important duty of every believer. If a man worships his legal wife this means she takes second place directly after God, the next important relationship, proceding those to any other person or institution. Work, birth family, community, friends – the wife will always be put first.
Worship with the body has many meanings, the sexual side, promising not to abuse sexually or bodily ever, working hard to be able to fullfill her needs as well as protecting her bodily if need would arise against abuse, aggression, insult and demeaning behaviour. This includes fighting bodily, and regarding the socially weak status of most women in these times this was the most important part of the marriage contract – the widespread protection of a male citizen as payment for her obligation to honour him and bear his children…
I find the BCP/Anglican version moving, each time I hear it or speak it. It honors the person spoken to by speaking their worth-ness. Not just with words, but by physical actions in all areas; not for harm but for the good. I have this vow framed in our bedroom as a reminder…after 43 years of marriage that our commitment to one another is active and selfless.
Thank you Pam.
SR