Dear Everyone,
Kindles and Kindle applications allow readers to highlight lines in a book that they find particularly meaningful or poetic. Similarly, Goodreads allows readers to add quotes from an author or to favourite those quotations.
There are two quotations from “Gabriel’s Inferno” that are mentioned by readers more than any others. First, “Kindness is never wasted.” Second, “Sometimes goodness doesn’t tell everything it knows. Sometimes goodness waits for the appropriate time and does the best it can with what it has.”
I included these ideas intentionally, associating them both with the character of Julia Mitchell. Let me explain why.
Kindness is an underestimated virtue. It’s common in our society for people to champion tolerance, and rightly so. It’s less common for people to go further and advocate kindness. Toleration puts up with people and their idiosyncrasies, their flaws and imperfections. Kindness welcomes people. It honours a person’s humanity and dignity. It says, “You are worthwhile and valuable, just as you are.”
Kindness isn’t easy. But it is valuable, no matter what. Kindness is the right choice because it’s the right thing to do – not because it will win us friends, or fame or money. Thus, kindness is never wasted, even though the recipient of kindness might reject us or our actions or spit in our faces, for one reason or another. Kindness makes the giver vulnerable. It can change the life of the recipient.
Julia Mitchell is not a woman who has experienced much kindness in her life. Yet, she is kind. For all her flaws (and she has many), she chooses to be kind. She chooses, even in difficult circumstances, not to hit back, not to curse, not to be bitter. Readers have had very strong reactions to her, but I think most would admit that her kindness is a virtue to be recognized and praised. As the author, I believe that the contrast between the way she has been treated by and the way she treats others shows that she is a praiseworthy character.
I welcome your comments, as always.
All the best everyone and thanks for reading,
SR
PS. ETA – Sunny C has reminded me that Nook Color allows for highlighting, too. Thanks Miss Sunny.
I am honoured to have had all three of my novels appear on the New York Times and USA Today Bestseller lists. I was a Semifinalist for Best Author in the 2011 and 2012 Goodreads Choice Awards. {
OH dear SIR, everytime I read one of your posts, I sit here with a grin in my face. Very beautiful words. If we were all kind to each other we would have such a different world. And frankly it does not take much of an effort to be kind to everyone and leaves us with such a nice feeling. It is not easy but oh so rewarding. Thanks so much for your thoughts and posts. I love tuesday mornings. It reminds me of those amazing saturday mornings, remember? Much love as always. Be well .
“Kindness makes the giver vulnerable. It can change the life of the recipient.”
Very true words. The second statement reminds me of many instances, but most recently of the York U graduate who could trace her successful completion of multiple degrees directly back to the teacher in grade 4 who took time out of her busy schedule to teach an illiterate girl how to read. Where would she be now if that teacher hadn’t taken the time? Would she have been continually pushed through the system until she finally gave up in frustration? Who knows.
Ultimately though, I think that the former is the statement that should give people cause for thought. It can be a difficult thing to put yourself out there, not knowing what the response will be. If the response to your kindness is positive, then everyone comes away feeling good. Lukewarm creates an atmosphere of ambivalence, while negative responses can shut someone down so completely that they may never put themselves out there again – especially if there is some type of communication involved within a group atmosphere. There are people in my communities that I openly avoid because this behaviour has prevailed.
Granted, we are all guilty of either not providing enough kindness to others, or showing negative responses to the kindness that has been given. Being aware of it is the first step. Actively trying to change this could change the world. The sad part is that it wouldn’t take much, and some people can’t even take that first step.
I too think kindness is a virtue worth praise. Even a small act of kindness can make a huge difference in someones daily life. For example, a virtual hug to someone who is hurting emotionally, or physically may be the only hug they get. It only takes a minute, yet just knowing that someone cared enough to reach out can have a major impact. I know this to be true myself, so I try to give a hug whenever I think someone needs it. It costs me nothing, but has a value that is priceless to the person receiving it. Xo
I’ve always thought that Julia was so kind because it was the only way she could process the world around her when it was at its worst. She never wanted to be a person who allowed the world’s brutality to erode her fundamental goodness. As someone who’d experienced horrible cruelty, Julia knew better than anyone how important a compassionate gesture could be. She’d been through some extremely harsh times in her life, yet she always retained the ability to treat people kindly.
Even when she got so angry at Gabriel and let him have it (verbally), she did him a kindness because she told him things he needed to hear. (That might fall under the whole “cruel to be kind” rubric.) I thought it was interesting how Gabriel commented that she “blossomed” under kindness, because in truth, it was he who bloomed under the goodness she brought into his life. Julia and her virtues were a balm to his worn soul.
I like to think that small gestures add up. The grander acts of kindness may be more visible, but the little ones are equally important, and the opportunities are almost always present. Not to mention, it can be very challenging to always respond with kindness and grace to an irritable boss, an angry spouse, or a child throwing a temper tantrum. I try to remember that the more difficult it is to be kind to someone, the more they probably need it. Some days, I’m better at that than others.
Your words feed my soul. I think I finally understand the term “Manna from heaven”. So glad your alive, here and now and you share all this with us.
squally
My daughter and I have spoken to the fact that “No kindness goes unpunished” with regards to a person with whom we interact. I came upon this poem by Kent Keith from The Paradoxical Commandments called ”Anyway”. SR spoke eloquently to the point that kindness reaffirms the recipient. This poem refers to another reason for kindness based on the motive behind it:
Anyway
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered: Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives: Be kind anyway
If you are honest, people may cheat you: Be honest anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, people may be jealous of you: Be happy anyway
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow: Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough: Give the world your best anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.
-Pat
Beautiful post SR. You said everything it needed to be said and I agree with everyone that commented above.
” Kindness is never wasted” is one of the most beautiful quotes you came up with. And it’s true. Sometimes it may not have an offhand effect but sooner or later it harvests its fruits. And when it does, it becomes something beautiful to witness. Julia Mitchell is a person who doesn’t let bad experiences harden her heart. And that’s truly praiseworthy, since it’s no easy feat. I think that to be kind to one another should be our first goal in life, but too often, unfortunately, our pride interferes. The important thing is that we let kindness win the battle.
Elena_twiarcady
@MissPat thank you for the poem. I love it.
@carolamex kindness does leave one with a nice feeling, even if it goes unrecognised. I often wonder if unkind people are rewarded with a feeling they enjoy when they are mean. I know when I get angry and loose my temper I certainly don’t feel any better for it.
It makes me think of the poor girl who washed my hair at a salon the other day. She accidentally squirted some conditioner on my chest. I was wearing one of those plastic coat thingy’s that they put around you when they cut your hair, so it didn’t even get on my clothes. Not that I would’ve minded if it had, it was just conditioner. But the poor girl was in such a state she was practically shaking, and apologised profusely. I chuckled and told her she really shouldn’t worry, it was clearly a mistake. I mean, its not as if she aimed conditioner at my eye! She was still for a bit & then quietly told me that not many customers are as kind as me. Was that kindness? Really? I mean the girl made a mistake, I assumed it was common decency, manners even. What kind of a world do we live in where people reduce a young girl to a quivering mess over a mistake. I prefer Julia’s philosophy.
And as I’ve often said, people suck, I prefer dogs…
I always try to be kind but I often allow people to be unkind back or to give less than I would. That is all you can do, I still wouldn’t wish my worse enemy bad. I did that once. My husband abused me pretty bad and one day he said he was going out to change the tire, I said to myself “I hope that car falls on him.” He came in twenty minutes later and said “that car almost fell on me.” I was horrified that I somehow caused that to happen. I learned that being cruel to someone else, no matter what they have done, hurts you worse than it will ever hurt them. I spent so many years hating that man and all he did was prosper, he got a new woman and all the things he wanted. I thought God hated me, but when I released the anger, and actually had compassion for him even ( to a degree), it all changed. Now he doesn’t look so good and I even worry about that though he has done it to himself.
I don’t know, just sharing…
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Calling someone FAKE wont make you REAL
Calling someone DUMB wont make you SMART
Calling someone WEAK wont makeyou STRONG
Calling someone UGLY wont make youBEAUTIFUL
Calling someone MEAN wont make you NICE
Calling someone FAT wont make you SKINNY
Calling someone RUDE wont make you POLITE
Saw this and thought it apropos Xo
Kindness and intelligence are too must-have qualities for me in relationships.
Thank you for this post.
I think that kindness is sadly overseen when people talk about their personal goals and development.
Kindness is my own personal goal.
I have a great role model and that is my husband. He is the kindest person I have ever met. When in doubt I always think: -” What would M do?” 🙂
He extend this kindness to everyone around him, and he is not (like some ignorant people think), a coward or unmanly because of it. It is quite the opposite. It takes a lot a strength, courage and responsibility to be kind.
Examples of small things he do without even consider it before:
He always brings an extra water bottle for my mother because he knows that she rather go thirsty than carry extra weight.
Offering hugs, 100 dollars and his warm jacket to a passed out homeless man on Christmas morning (we were poor students at the time).
Always offering help to anyone that looks lost, sad, in pain or carrying heavy things.
Refusing to curse or verbally abuse someone during fights (not even something like Shut up)
Never point out others weaknesses or faults
I had a boyfriend a long time ago that had really high ambitions for his soul. He was never kind though. It was like his religious ambitions never truly permeated his soul, it only created vanity. I see this in a lot of people that are religiously involved. They have some kind of soul aspirations but their acts of kindness are mainly goal driven actions.
I believe in the small kind acts. The big ones usually feels like that are meant to be seen by others.
//livia
Kindness is key and you are one of the kindest people I have encountered SR, so who better to write about it. Julia is kind and I am humbled by her and the way she responds to injustice and cruelty. She takes the high road when I think I might strike out. I love the quotes you mentioned as then spoke to me too. Kindness is the key to her soul and why she is Gabriel’s angel.
I would love to believe that “kindness is never wasted” but, especially in today’s world, everywhere I turn all I see are acts of deep selfishness. Even as I read the story I found myself thinking: “This could never happen in real life…a man like Gabriel could never fall for such an ingénue as Julia”. But you know what? It is precisely that which gripped me and made me devour this story. The possibility that the dark is so attracted to the light. I find myself feeling jealous of Julia’s kindness and the fact that she does not let bad experiences ruin her core. Thanks for teaching me a lesson through your characters SR.
She is truly kind, and not a doormat, even though she does struggle with her own worth. She has been thinking of others for so long, she cannot fathom thinking of herself, even to accept a kindness on it’s merit alone. One of Gabriel’s gifts will be to give her the mettle to merit herself, but I speak to future too easily I fear.
Thanks for your comments everyone. You’ve given us all a lot to think about. And thanks for reading. All the best, SR
Kindness is always to be applauded. The world needs more of it and more characters in books who embody it. I tried to sunscribe to your blog, but feedburner just gives me an error message, so I’ve picted up the RSS feed.
Hello Miss Tahlia,
Thanks for your comment. Sorry about the difficulty in subscribing to the site. We’re looking into it. In the meantime, thanks for reading and all the best, SR
I love your words…thank you for sharing your amazing talent with us…please continue to write…love you!
Thank you for highlighting this post again. Kindness is such a simple thing for us to do, but yet there are many who would rather be spiteful. Your post reminds me of a poem by John Ruskin.
Kind hearts are the garden,
Kind thoughts are the roots,
Kind words are the blossoms,
Kind deeds are the fruits.
As always, your words feed our minds, our hearts and our souls. Thank you, SR. It’s the reason we love you. xo
Sylvain, your work inspires me, your words do so much more. My appreciation is expressed here: http://bit.ly/1eN7XjM
One of many reasons kindness isn’t a waste, is because the act in itself fulfills the heart of the giver. It is a selfless act, it doesn’t keep scoreboard nor exchange favor. You can’t defeat a kind person to their core. You may sadden them in temporarily disappointments, but they will rise to every occasion yet again when their hearts are called. They are as natural as the Zam Zam Well…it reproduces on its own and will never dry. The act is usually unpremeditated. It manifests itself without forceful mind or physical coordination. In fact the moment our eyes encounter the need for kindness…our hearts already have communicated with our brain… all vibrate at the same frequency following the speed of your emotions. Moreover, the beauty of possessing such virtue, is that YOU spread seeds of love, all around your path. I know it…because I keep planting yours in my heart Sylvain.